ESPN Scooped! News Related To Brett Favre "Retirement" That You Will Only Read About Here

Madden out of retirement!

That's right folks. Now that Brett Favre (TM) has indicated that he may be returning to the NFL, John Madden has indicated he will return to broadcasting. However, he has stated that he will only be available to broadcast Minnesota Vikings games...or "whatever freaking team Favre winds up on this time," the great broadcaster was quoted as saying. "There's no better quarterback than Brett Favre (TM)."

Madden 2010 - Discontinued If No Favre

Spokespeople for John Madden have indicated that Mr. Madden is prepared to sit out the 2010 gaming season if Brett Favre (TM) remains retired. "We just can't see the point of even having the game available if the greatest living football ambassador will not even be available to shill the game," the gaming genius said in a statement. No word from the Favre camp on rumors that Brett Favre (TM) was insisting that the game - and certain key elements of the game - would have to be modified if Favre were to be expected to continue to lend his likeness to the game. No details were available at press time.

All-Madden Team Now Will Be All-Favre Team

Brett Favre (TM) is taking over! CBS has announced that even if Madden comes out of retirement, the All-Madden team will cease to be. But fear not, sports fans! It will be replaced with the newer, hipper All-Favre (TM) team! CBS spokesman Al Michaels told us that "it was time for a change. I mean really - the All-Madden team? Everyone knows if it weren't for Brett Favre (TM), there would be no All-Madden team."

Steve Madden to market new footwear, called the Favre

A Google search reveals this about Steve Madden's product lines: "With enough attitude for even the sassiest fashion diva and the most discriminating and stylish men..." and he means it. What you won't find in your search, however is that Madden (Steve) and Brett Favre (TM) are in talks to release a new shoe called "The Favre."

It will be available in stylish green and white (no, it's not Yellow! bellows the high quality catalog (printed on recyclable paper, of course)), with shoelaces that have every NFL teams colors on them (just in case). The shoes will cost $44 each and will come with a cool sticker that has a Calvin & Hobbes-like drawing of #4 peeing on a Green Bay Packer helmet.

But you must act quickly, as the shoe will be retired at the end of this NFL season. Or...will it? ;-) Mr. Madden (Steve) was not available for comment.

Wrangler vs. Lee

Brett Favre (TM) has released a statement saying he will be retiring from the business of advertising jeans. It was reported last fall that Favre felt that "that ship had sailed." Relations between Favre and Wrangler were strained when it was reported in "Retire?" magazine that a highly placed Wrangler executive was photographed wearing a #4 Packer replica jersey at a golf outing. Favre was reportedly so upset that he couldn't even focus on retiring during his tenure with the Jets and accidently played the whole 16-game schedule.

What you didn't hear in "Retire?" magazine was that the Favre camp have been in talks with the Lee Jeans Company since August 2008, trying to convince the devil-may-care Favre to jump ship and schill Lee Jeans. Word outta Kiln is that the two sides are very close to announcing a deal! Watch this space...

There's Something about Mary - Favre Wants Famous Scene To Be Removed

Astonishing, isn't it? The hilarious scene that proved once and for all that nobody really knew how to pronounce the name Brett Favre (TM) is to be excised from the film "There's Something About Mary" and will be used in the next Judd Apatow film. Mr. Apatow had no comment. Favre did, but it was nothing you haven't heard before. He just used a comment he'd made after a 2003 Packers/Bears game, and simply changed a few nouns and verbs to describe this bombshell.

When we hear more, you can be sure you'll hear it here first!

Brett Favre (TM) Reportedly Wants "revenge" on Green Bay

Yes, Yahoo reported that Brett Favre (TM) is seeking re-entry to the NFL to gain revenge on the team that made his career possible in the first place. His plan is simple - he will tire out the Green Bay secondary by throwing six "pick six" interceptions in first half of each Viking/Packer game, thereby enabling All-Pro running back Adrian Petersen more room to run. Head Coach Brad Childress bristled when a reporter asked him if even Petersen could overcome a 42-0 first half defecit by himself.